you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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