Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
