...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
