I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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