Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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