you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
