help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
