Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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