just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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