what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize