This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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