my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
