We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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