Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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