i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
