My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
