I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
