Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was like eating out sand paper
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
