Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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