All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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