I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize