What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
