we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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