you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
