Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i believe in u and ur pee
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
