I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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