Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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