rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
