I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
