I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
