Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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