Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
