you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
