WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
