girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Randomize
