it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
