I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
