You just made me feel so damn special
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
