my phone needs a breathalizer
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize