Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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