oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
