Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
