Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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