I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
