i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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