listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
