She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
