Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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