god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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