If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize