Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
COCAINE IS GR8
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
