did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
