My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need water and some morals
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
