I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
