Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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