I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
