Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize