Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
