Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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