i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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