You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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