I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
