I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
