I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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