you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
