The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
