You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
