My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
